|Why did I choose such an awful image? Because I'm almost 40.|
"Mom, why do you change your pants as soon as you come home?"
"Because I'm almost 40," I told her.
Then I realized all of the other things I do because I'm almost 40.
- Go to bed at 9:30
- Wake up at midnight sweating
- Don't fall back to sleep till 3 am
- Need to eat every three hours
- Forget where I left my keys
- Forget where I parked my car
- Forget what my car looks like
- Have any clue what my 20-something co-workers are talking about
- Have a sneaking suspicion that I could have dated any of their parents in college
- Being winded from dropping off my kid at school
- Enjoy Fixer-Upper marathons
- Spend more that $12 on a bottle of wine
- Own a home
- Own more than one TV
- Know the names of at least two neighbors
- Own a fridge with a water dispenser and ice maker
- Keep pets alive longer than two weeks
- Keep a kid a somewhat-reasonable member of society
- Remember my friends' birthdays
- Forget my parents' birthdays
- Get my car's oil changed every 5,000 miles
- Be a master at stain-removal
- Own bras that weren't purchased at Victoria's Secret
- Stare off into space at least once a day and hope nobody's watching
- Say, "I'm almost 40 so..." at least twice a day
- Wear ear plugs to a concert
- Wear ear plugs to a kids' show
- Explain what a VCR was
- Explain what commercials are
- Explain what it meant when your dad answered the phone and tried to listen on your calls
- Explain "You would answer the kitchen phone and your dad would pick up the dining room phone and listen in."
- Explain "Phones had cords. And buttons."
- Cringe when a song from the 90s is on the classic rock station
- Never make plans for anything later than 9pm
- Never make plans for anything after the bra comes off and the yoga pants come on
- Not give a fuck about what people think