Sunday, January 10, 2016

Getting My Writing Groove Back

Most nights I lie awake and write in my head. I can't tell you how many amazing ideas and stories that zoom across as my mind-monkey keeps banging the drums.
I've never written them down and by the time I wake up, they're gone.
No matter how much I want to write more consistently, there is always something stopping me: work, parenting, wife-ing, binge-watching whatever TV show was hot five years ago....
My drafts folder has 15 posts with two sentences in them.
But I still have a lot to say and I will get into that groove again, not to entertain my two readers but to maintain my sanity. I'm a better person when I write and I like that I can be honest with my faults and weaknesses.
In the last year, I tried and failed at losing weight. In the last week, I lost three pounds just by the simple principle of not going out for lunch every day.
I thrive better with less pressure on myself.
I discovered a long time ago that my best key to success is to make little changes instead of a huge list of goals. The huge list of goals causes me anxiety to no end...there's no way I'm going to get published on a large scale while losing 30 lbs and training for a half-marathon. If I don't feel like getting out of bed and going for a run because it's cold, that's ok.
I guess the only goals I have for 2016 are to do what feels right for me. In a sense, self-love...something I've ignored my entire life.
The other night, I asked L.E. if she had to describe me in three clues, what would they be? She said: 1. You wear glasses
2. You have a great kid
3. You are the best mom ever.
Number three made me feel all the feels and I hugged her close and thanked her for saying that. Her response was, "I just want to make you happy."
That hit me hard because I believe that she is now old enough to sense when my depression surfaces. I don't know how to tell her that it's never her fault; some people are wired differently than others. But that's a conversation for another time.
So what are my writing goals for 2016? In a sense, nothing concrete. I'm not going to be a BlogHer Voice of the Year. I'm not going to get a book deal....
My writing goal is just to write once in a while...