Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Because I'm Almost 40

Why did I choose such an awful image? Because I'm almost 40.
The other night L.E. asked a question that I'm sure has been on her mind for a while.
"Mom, why do you change your pants as soon as you come home?"
"Because I'm almost 40," I told her.

Then I realized all of the other things I do because I'm almost 40.

  • Go to bed at 9:30
  • Wake up at midnight sweating
  • Don't fall back to sleep till 3 am
  • Need to eat every three hours
  • Forget where I left my keys
  • Forget where I parked my car
  • Forget what my car looks like
  • Have any clue what my 20-something co-workers are talking about
  • Have a sneaking suspicion that I could have dated any of their parents in college
  • Being winded from dropping off my kid at school
  • Enjoy Fixer-Upper marathons
  • Spend more that $12 on a bottle of wine
  • Own a home
  • Own more than one TV
  • Know the names of at least two neighbors
  • Own a fridge with a water dispenser and ice maker
  • Keep pets alive longer than two weeks
  • Keep a kid a somewhat-reasonable member of society
  • Remember my friends' birthdays
  • Forget my parents' birthdays
  • Get my car's oil changed every 5,000 miles
  • Be a master at stain-removal
  • Own bras that weren't purchased at Victoria's Secret
  • Stare off into space at least once a day and hope nobody's watching
  • Say, "I'm almost 40 so..." at least twice a day
  • Wear ear plugs to a concert
  • Wear ear plugs to a kids' show
  • Explain what a VCR was
  • Explain what commercials are
  • Explain what it meant when your dad answered the phone and tried to listen on your calls
  • Explain "You would answer the kitchen phone and your dad would pick up the dining room phone and listen in."
  • Explain "Phones had cords. And buttons."
  • Cringe when a song from the 90s is on the classic rock station
  • Never make plans for anything later than 9pm
  • Never make plans for anything after the bra comes off and the yoga pants come on
  • Not give a fuck about what people think

I Blink and It's Gone

I swear it was just Thanksgiving yesterday.
Let me back up.
I swear, it was just the first day of school yesterday.
Every night I go to sleep and when I wake up, it's as if months have passed instead of hours.
Things I look forward to in the future – client milestones, trips, friends visiting – go by in a heartbeat.
I look down for a second and when I look up weeks have passed.
Yesterday I was pregnant. Tomorrow I have a 6-year-old.
Last week it was summer 2015. Friday it's April 2016.
Last month I was celebrating my 30th birthday. In three months, I'll be 40.
I want to enjoy the moment but how can I when the moment is gone in a second?

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Less Than Zero

When I was 13, I had a bout of pneumonia that sidelined me for over a week. We had HBO at the time and Less Than Zero was one of those movies that I really wanted to see but knew the subject matter was intense enough to watch when my parents weren't around.

I didn't realize how obsessed I was with that movie until tonight when I watched it on HBO.

Lots of teenage girls have dreams of running away to Hollywood to become famous; my dream was to run away to Hollywood and become a glamorous rich kid who did lots of cocaine and stole their parents' jewelry.

I wanted to live in a loft like Blair and occasionally hook up with my boyfriend's drug-addicted best friend.

I wanted to go to parties with fake snow and The Bangles' "Hazy Shade of Winter."
I wanted to wear pleated pants and a big plastic bow in my hair.

I wanted to make out with my boyfriend in his vintage Corvette.

Is it weird that was my fantasy?

Of course I knew that was ridiculous. Less Than Zero did not have a happy ending. And I now realize a lot that I just didn't understand at the that Julian wasn't being paid to "party."

I never had that life of glamour and decadence that was so big in 80s pop culture. I never even had a drug problem. I once had a blazer with shoulder pads; that's as close as I ever got to Less Than Zero.

What a weird flood of memories to come back while watching this movie. As different as I think I am since I was 13, there are parts of me that are still as insecure now as I was then.
But I'm not about to bust out some pleated pants and cocaine. Or even read the book because I heard it's super-different and I want to keep my memories of Clay, Blair and Julian as they were cast in the film.

Stay tuned for next week, when I watch Heathers and talk about how badly I wanted to play strip croquet with Christian Slater.