Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Listen To Your Mother



Me during rehearsal. I didn't know what to do with my hands.
Photo courtesy of Casey Chapman Ross
This Saturday, I have the honor of performing in Austin's Listen To Your Mother show. It's really happening; I've gone to two rehearsals and they haven't politely asked me to leave so they're stuck with me.
It's a surreal feeling to be chosen for this show. I'm sharing my story amongst these remarkable women whose stories are so profound.
Mine is not as profound. I don't do deep, usually.
I'm not nervous about performing or being onstage.
I'm nervous about fitting in and looking good and not embarrassing myself.
I'm nervous that my jokes will fall flat and that my husband will roll his eyes.
I'm nervous that my therapist will come and tell me afterwards that there's no hope for me.
I'm nervous that I'll trip on my way to the stage. Sure, it's endearing when cute, young Jennifer Lawrence does it but when a 38-year-old me does it, it won't be as adorable.
I'm scared I'll miss it completely. True story, I have nightmares about this all the time. That I'll just forget to show up.
I'm terrified that nobody will be proud of me.
I'm nervous my dress is see-through and I'll wear the wrong bra.
I'm nervous my Spanx will cut off my circulation.
I'm nervous my shoes won't be the cutest. Judging by the photos we've been sharing, there's no way my shoes will be the cutest. These gals have some serious shoe game!
I've been told they're laughing at me for my words and not because my fly was down.
Photo courtesy of Casey Chapman Ross

Mostly, I'm nervous that I'll be exposed for the fraud that I am. I'm not a real blogger; I barely keep up with Hip-Baby Mama anymore. Writing was supposed to be my outlet but I put so much pressure on myself to be good at that I blank at every second. If I update once a month, that's lucky.
If my blog traffic increases, will my new readers even like what they see? But that's a whole other area of insecurity.
So this is my pre-show freakout. I know I'll be ok the moment I step on that stage. I'll have the support of my amazing castmembers and our producers and my family and friends in the audience. I'll look great, my Spanx will do its job and if the polish on my pinky is chipped, nobody will notice.
And somebody will be proud of me.
If you want that somebody to be you, please buy your tickets and come see me. 

I mean, just look at these wonderful women! Award-winners, published bloggers...all that and they have amazing taste in shoes!
Photo courtesy of Casey Chapman Ross