Friday, June 5, 2015

Things You Shouldn't Do After You Take Ambien


Trust me, all are bad ideas.
  • Shop online
  • Shop online at Amazon Prime
  • Shop online at Amazon Now
  • Order pizza
  • Order Chinese food
  • Order both pizza AND Chinese food
  • Call your mom
  • Call your dad
  • Call that one friend you haven't spoken to in months
  • Call that one friend's ex-boyfriend and tell him he's a dick
  • Call your husband a dick
  • Book a trip to Vegas
  • Book a trip to Europe
  • Book a trip to outer space
  • Experiment with eyeliner
  • Experiment with Sharpie eyebrows
  • Experiment with your hot female neighbor
  • Trim your bangs
  • Hair removal of any kind
  • Clean your oven
  • Clean your bathtub
  • Fix your vacuum cleaner
  • Give your dog a bath
  • Sew
  • Watch the Red Wedding episode of Game of Thrones
  • Watch Brazil
  • Watch any non-comedy made before 1984
  • Watch your child sleep
  • Watch your husband sleep
  • Watch House Hunters
  • Pull peeling wallpaper off the wall
  • Hire an interior decorator and general contractor for your house remodel
  • Plan a house remodel
  • Sign up for a subscription of any kind
  • Be anywhere near an internet connection
  • Take another Ambien

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