Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Things I Don't Understand


  • Video game commercials
  • Earlobe spacers
  • Safety scissors
  • Tights as pants
  • Tight-ass pants
  • Cats
  • Why my parents own three generators
  • Canned cranberry sauce
  • People who wear clothes in swimming pools
  • How Jon Gruden is a color commentator
  • How Cris Collinsworth is a color commentator
  • Soccer
  • Internet commenters
  • Why Lego Friends exists
  • Reddit
  • Not having a cleaning service
  • Gender reveal parties
  • How golf is relaxing
  • My wireless plan
  • Celebrity holiday gift guides
  • Where Dora's parents are
  • Quantum physics
  • Guy Fieri
  • How that weird family's parody videos get so many views
  • Pretty much anything on A&E or TLC
  • How I could forget that I have a piece of chicken in my purse
This is in no way meant to be judgmental and I'm well-aware of serious issues in the world that I don't understand.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

30 Fun Facts About Me [November Blogathon]


My friend Kristen over at The Mrs & The Momma is doing a crazy Blogathon for November. I say crazy because she's actually blogging EVERY DAY. As much as I would love to go back to my 40 Days 40 Posts, reality is that sometimes I just don't know what to say. Which is why I'm poaching Kristen's writing prompts starting with 30 Fun Facts About Me.


  1. I collect stamps and coins.
  2. My longest streak of consecutive meals consisting of tacos is 13.
  3. When I hear the song "Head Full of Doubt" by The Avett Brothers, I burst into tears. What's your #cryingintraffic song?
  4. I'm not going to my 20-year high school reunion in a few weeks but I still think about it rather obsessively.
  5. Speaking of obsessions, Serial.
  6. It's been a long time since I've been jealous of somebody.
  7. I'm loud, witty and sarcastic. I am no longer comfortable keeping that under wraps.
  8. Twenty years ago, I started talking to a cute guy in the parking lot at Pitt. I knew the moment that I met him that he would be a part of my life. I wasn't thinking marriage initially but I'm happy that's where we ended up.
  9. Some of the most intense conversations I've ever had have been in bathrooms.
  10. My longtime karaoke jam was "Africa" by Toto. I'm changing it to "Jolene" because of this outfit.
  11. I dyed my hair red because I wanted flaming locks of auburn hair.
  12. I know a lot of people love me. But do they sequined ducky sweater love me?
  13. Some things I am just not wired to know how to do. Like playing pool, web design and cutting a straight line.
  14. Most of my arguments with strangers involve where to get the best chicken wings.
  15. My daughter is my Mini-Me in every sense, from the scabs on her legs to her giggling at farts to her loathing of vegetables.
  16. I don't lie about my age because I look pretty damn good. 
  17. I started planning my 40th birthday party this past summer because I thought it was next year. 
  18. I am wearing two unicorns today.
  19. I have a mild form of OCD but you would never know based on the condition I left my desk in at work.
  20. I never want to eat, see or smell chocolate again.
  21. I keep a friend's ashes on a shelf in my house. We should have scattered them but I feel better knowing he's nearby, keeping P-man company.
  22. I have crazy intense dreams. The weird part is I will dream about my best friend in the 7th grade more than I dream about my husband and daughter.
  23. I'm an award-winning designer and writer. I've even sold a photograph at an art show. Granted, my mom was the buyer but isn't that the case for most artists?
  24. I hate being depressed. I gain weight, I don't poop and my muscles and joints ache. It takes out my whole body.
  25. My all-time most favorite thing to do ever is absolutely nothing.
  26. I have a problem with taking Ambien and online shopping. Last week, I took one and booked a trip to Vegas including airfare and hotel.
  27. My bad habits include interrupting people, inviting myself over for dinner and constantly checking my phone.
  28. If I were to relaunch a completely different career, I would either be an investigator or a fashion designer. But only with models that look like real people.
  29. I was having popcorn and red wine for dinner waaayyyy before Olivia Pope made it mainstream.
  30. My motto is, has been and always will be "I try."

Monday, November 10, 2014

The Ugliness of it All

Sometimes life ain't pretty.
I'm not sure if I made that up or if it's something my grandma told me. She was always doling out such gems as "Don't lean against the car door or you'll fall out" and "There's no better snack than sardines with mustard."
In short, advice was not her forte.
But there is a lot of truth in how ugly things can be.
I'm not talking about the ugliness of the world where parents beat their kids to death and men lock women in their basements for torture for decades. Yes, that's extreme ugliness and it's horrible and I'm not making comparisons to that at all.
I'm talking about the every-day middle-class ugliness that can knock a person to their knees. Whether it's depression or anxiety or feeling overwhelmed or a cold that won't go away or the fact that you can't open the cap to a bottle of Robitussin... sometimes all you want to do is crumple to the floor and ugly-cry.
Sometimes you reach a point where you don't know if you can pick yourself back up.
How long can I stay here until someone finds me and tells me it's all going to be ok?
Why is it taboo to talk about this? I can't be the only one who has ever felt completely hopeless for no one reason in particular.
What can I do for myself when this happens?
If the answer is to drink tea and meditate,  I may punch you.
I climbed into bed. And I cried.
Yes, this was selfish.
Yes, I ignored my family while this happened.
Yes, I felt better once I climbed back out.
One thing I learned from hypnotherapy is that sometimes you have to do what feels right for you. And if that's slightly unhealthy-seeming but you do feel relief from it, then by all means do it.
So I went to bed.
I woke up an hour later and I felt OK. Not great.
But still better than the ugly.