Monday, March 24, 2014

This is 4.

Prepping her for therapy since 2010.
All weekend long, I had unexplained anxiety. I genuinely had no idea why; other than being rejected by Listen To Your Mother (which you should go see anyway because it will still be amazing even if I'm not in it), I've actually been doing really well. Work is great, I finally feel like we're hitting our Austin groove as far as having a social life and my frizzies are totally under control. Yet I was mopey and cranky all weekend.
I didn't think it had anything to do with L.E.'s birthday. But apparently birthday-eve anxiety is a totally normal thing and I was suffering from it. Surprisingly, it didn't happen to me before now. Her 4th birthday.
Why now?
When I was four, my favorite TV show was Scooby Doo. I wanted a doll house. I liked popsicles more than anything. Was this information my mom shared with me during her last visit? No. I know these things because I remember them. Now that L.E. is four, I know that she will remember way more about her life that she will carry into adulthood. So for me, that means that from now on, she can REMEMBER EVERYTHING. I don't have the safety of her toddler-hood to keep her from remembering that I smacked her on the head while adjusting her car seat. She can now throw that in my face! As well as telling her dad and her friends that I driver over the curb every day when I exit her preschool. And when we're sitting down for Christmas dinner in the year 2035, she'll resentfully bring up how I let her fingers get caught in a rubber stamp at my office when I had to bring her with me to meet the cleaning service.
Four means no more free passes. Parenting is getting real.
This is the strangest feeling. (As I typed this, my dog projectile vomited on me which is REALLY the strangest feeling...excuse me while I take a shower.)
OK, I'm back.
This is the strangest feeling because of all the anxiety and depression I've gone through over the last few years, I never had to stress about L.E. having memories of it. But now she'll know every time I screw up, every time I'm sad and every time I yell about something stupid. Though she's been parroting our mannerisms for ages, we now have a bigger responsibility to make sure she's learning the right lessons.
But all of that aside. She's 4. FOUR.
And absolutely remarkable.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Less Talking. More Writing

A rather strange thing occurred to me recently: I haven't written a blog in FOREVER. I keep reading really awesome blogs and meeting some amazing writers and feeling oh-so-inspired...but I haven't sat down to write for myself.
So instead of talking about writing, I decided to just write. I have no specific topic, more like my mind-monkey is just going to churn stuff out.
It's not going to make much sense but here is what's on my mind.

  • L.E. turns 4 this month. FOUR! 
  • I had hypnotherapy yesterday and I don't think I need to go back for a while. I'm going to actually put into practice everything I learned so that I can heal from the inside. Here's more.
  • My hair is long enough to pull into a topknot which is the official hairstyle of bloggers everywhere. Just in time for SXSW.

  • It's SXSW! Remember last year when I was unemployed and had to be a full-time stay-at-home-mom for a week? Yeah, I haven't killed that memory with booze and pills yet. 
  • This year my parents are coming to town to watch L.E. during Spring Break. Free babysitters!
  • One year ago on St. Patrick's Day, I interviewed for a blogger job that I randomly found on ProBlogger, despite having never checked that site before. Now, I'm happy to report that little blogger job has turned into me taking care of marketing and PR for a Top 10 Chocolatier in the US. It's been a crazy ride and I'm so happy to be a part of Delysia.
  • Since I'm in a reflecting mood, never would I have thought I'd be this into public relations. I feel like it's the career I should have spent the last 15 years honing instead of graphic design. 
  • I don't want to say I was a bad designer – negative self-talk is one of the things I'm abolishing through hypnotherapy – but I never felt like it was a good fit career-wise. I like my different jobs and the variety each has.
  • I'm pretty sure i've seen every episode of House Hunters ever made. It's gotten to where we can narrate what comes next during the commercial breaks. Just once, I want someone to say they're looking for small rooms, white appliances and Formica countertops, shag carpeting, being right up against the neighbors and zero natural light.
  • I mean seriously, how big does your master bedroom have to be?
  • My house smells like soup
  • Austin Moms Blog has six new contributors. How long until they realize I'm not the crazy drunk careless mom that has become my online schtick
  • Did I use that term correctly?
  • Is there a better show on right now than Parks & Recreation
  • If I'm ever forced to choose between tacos or nachos, I...can't even finish this sentence right now. Don't ever make me live in a world that will force me to make that choice.
  • My new favorite beer is wine
  • L.E. has learned how to lie and be adorable. I asked her if she brushed her teeth. She said no but had a big smile on her face. I asked her why she was smiling. She said, "Because I'm cute."
  • I haven't blogged in so long that I got fired by Google AdSense