Monday, May 27, 2013

Sweating Season Has Begun

Triple digits aren't too far off.
I've never been one to obsess about the weather. I've been lucky to live in climates with four distinct seasons. I've seen plenty of snow and 100+ degree temperatures and I've been OK with that.
The difference between then and now is humidity.
I grew up in Pittsburgh which is pretty humid.
Texas humid is a completely different beast. It was 77 degrees out this morning but it felt like you were in a swamp.
Because I've spent the last 15 years in an arid high desert, my body is still adjusting. That's a polite way of saying that if I spend more than five minutes outside, I start to sweat buckets.
Not bullets, buckets.
Sweat drips off of my forehead and into my eyes, which is like touching my contacts after peeling green chiles.
I get sweaty pits, a sweaty back, sweaty arms, sweaty knees...did you know your knees can sweat? Mine do.
Everyone keeps telling me to spend more time outside and I'll get used to it. Yes because sitting in the shvitz that is my yard seems super-enticing.
I walked three blocks yesterday after a rainstorm. I felt like i was swimming in soup. When you're someone like me, reasonably fashion-forward with a hatred of the outdoors, REI is not the beacon of shining hope it becomes when you realize it's air-conditioned. I almost tried on a pair of those zip-off-leg pants just so I could enjoy the A/C a little longer.
But then I remembered how much sweat conjures when I do something simple like try on clothes.
Fitting room attendants look horrified when I come out and hand them the five things that didn't fit.
I need to carry around a towel.
The worst part is that it doesn't cool off.
And it's not even really summer yet.
I'm sorry to bitch about this. I guess it's the small price to pay for delicious tacos and bbq. At least I can sweat them out and maybe lose a few pounds.
Stay tuned for my next bitch-session which I've tentatively titled: Why Am I the Only One Being Attacked By Mosquitos?


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