Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Weight-y Frustrations


I know I said that the F word was banned in our house and that I wouldn't lament my poor self-image in front of my daughter. But she's not home right now and I'm feeling fat.
I gained 1-1/2 lbs this week. I really didn't think I gained or lost anything because I've been so vigilant about tracking. I even logged every chip and chicken wing I consumed during the Super Bowl. 
I've eaten plenty of salad. 
If I may be slightly dramatic, I'm extremely frustrated and I kind of hate myself.
OK, I got the negative out. Now I need to be more positive. And explore the "why."
Why is this plan not working right now? Well, truthfully Weight Watchers isn't the only thing not working. I'm not bringing in income and that is stressful. Stress triggers elevated coritsol levels which lead to weight gain through magical science pixie-dust. Stress also leads to sleep deprivation which also can cause weight gain. 
I decided to try to get a part-time job just so I feel a little bit more like I'm contributing to the household. 
Also, I eat my feelings. When I'm sad, I'll starve myself to where I'm dizzy and then eat a bunch to make up for it. If you've ever even glanced at a Shape Magazine with whatever-20-something-starlet-wearing-a-half-shirt, then you know that to be an effective dieter you should space out five small meals a day. I know this. I have diabetic tendencies and that is how I should be eating.
Why don't I?
Why do we go out to eat so much? Why do I not have any willpower? Why do I think it's OK to cheat a little on weekends? 
In my head, it's OK because I'm counting the Points and it will all even out.
You can use your Points on anything. Obviously, I'm doing this wrong. Just because Sonic's Tater Tots with cheese are only five Points doesn't mean they should be eaten.
Restaurants are killing me. 
Someone once told me nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. That person has obviously never lived in Austin.
What are my REAL goals for losing weight? Is it about appearance? Surprisingly, no. I want to be healthy so I can live longer. I want to be able to keep up with L.E. I feel sluggish when I'm carrying the extra pounds. I want to FEEL better and if looking better is part of the package, then I'll take it.
I had a ridiculous goal of losing 20 lbs in six weeks. I wanted to be thinner for my sister's birthday party next month. I know I won't make that goal.
That's why I have Spanx.
The Bloggess often says, "Depression Lies." I think food lies, too. Well, food lies when I just randomly give it a Points value that's not based on any sort of Weight Watchers literature.
So yes, it's me.
I better run now. Literally, I'm going to run. It's not like I have a job. OK, OK I'm done self-loathing!



6 comments:

  1. Find a library and look for the following books: Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole & Elyse Resch
    Body Love by Rita Freedman

    They helped me a lot, guess I'll have to write about it one day.

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    1. OK, I will but you have to tell me whether or not they'll make me feel badly about myself and if they'll shame me every time I want a cheeseburger...

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  2. I know what you mean about stress. It can really make you want to eat, and good chocolatey things. But stick to it, you'll get there. I lost 50 lbs, it took me a year. But I kept it off a long time that way. And I got so I loved exercising because it made me feel so good.
    I'm sure you'll get there. Good luck1
    I found you on Bloggy Moms, stop by when you get a chance,http://momndaughtersavings.com/would-you-call-this-cruel-and-unusual-punishment/

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    1. Thank you, Jody! May I ask how you were so successful at your weightless? You can email me at hip_babymama@me.com.
      I'll check out your site today.

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  3. I completely understand what you're talking about! I have this love/hate relationship with food (for pretty much my entire life) and have been struggling with maintaining a healthy weight.

    I'm a stress-eater, emotional-eater, bored-eater, just an eater in general I guess.

    Found your blog on GFC blog hop @ peacoats and plaid and loving it so far!

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    1. Why does all the good food have to be so bad? Stay tuned this week...I bought two bunches of kale and am ready to make some kale chips

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