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My super-awesome-amazing-beautiful daughter who will turn into an asshole when she's 12, not because of a younger sibling. |
L.E. will be an only child.
I’m not apologetic about that.
I want her to have my undivided attention.
I want to be able to provide her with the best life I can
afford to give her.
I don’t want another baby.
I get a lot of flack for this. I know a lot of couples with
kids L.E.’s age or even younger who are already pregnant with their next child.
I think they are insane.
Parents of 2-under-2 look even more exhausted than I did
when I was still going through L.E.’s “Sleep is for Suckers” campaign.
Maybe it’s because I still feel the effects of PPD (more
like PTSD) that I suffered from those first several months. Maybe it’s because
the baby weight is still lingering. Maybe it’s the rational thought-processes
brought on by my steady diet of anti-depressants.
Or maybe it’s because I
just want one child.
I hear all the arguments: Only children are spoiled. I think there’s a pretty good chance a
sibling would be spoiled, too. She’ll
have the burden to shoulder when you need taken care of. Isn’t one person
to take care of us better than no one to take care of us? A sibling will teach her to share and play nice. So does daycare. Who will she play with on Saturday mornings? You mean who else will
stare at her while she zones out on cartoons? What if something happens to her? (Actual reason given to me by my
own mother about why she had me.) Isn’t the sick-with-worry worse if you have
two children? She’s such a great kid,
wouldn’t you love to have another great kid? You know what happens to great
kids when they become the big brother or big sister? They turn into assholes.
I’ve seen it first-hand.
I know I sound pretty defensive and judgmental about this. I
get really annoyed by the series of “Whens” you get asked repeatedly when you
reach a certain point in life. You know how it is: you start dating someone and
it’s “When is he going to pop the question?” You get engaged: “When’s the
wedding?” You get married: “When are you going to have a baby?” You have a
baby: “When are you going to have another one?”
It’s always bothered me that these are “when” questions and
not “if” questions. Last I checked, we’re fortunate enough to live in a country
where we’re free to make our own decisions, regardless of whether or not
they’re considered the norm.
Having one child isn’t the norm and I seriously wonder
what’s wrong with people. Either they’re all delusional or I’m in the minority
because I didn’t fall in love with my infant right away. (Pretty sure the answer is B…)
“They” say you forget the bad times. I call bullshit. I can
still remember every single sleepless night, every failed attempt at
breastfeeding, every daily “happy hour” where she cried non-stop from 5-7 pm,
every poo-splatter on a white canvas Pavlik harness, every freakout when the
brace came on, every ultrasound, every time I was made to feel inept by
doctors, nurses, lactation consultants who led me to believe I wasn’t trying
hard enough…it was too much for me to take. The thought of doing it all again
makes me panic worse than the thought of packing up my house and moving to a
new place where I know virtually no one.
Two-and-a-half-years in, I’m obviously not embarrassed or
ashamed to admit that those first few months of motherhood sucked so horribly. But
yes, the payoff is the most amazing little girl I could ever dream of having!
She’s so smart and funny and beautiful and my most favorite person in the world
to be around. I love taking her to the park and watching her run and climb. We
do whatever she wants to do, as long as it’s outdoors. I don’t fear that all
our focus on her will lead her to be some kind of spoiled brat. As long she’s
taught to think and to love and to share, she’ll continue to be amazing.
It wouldn’t be fair to her
to split that attention.
I'm not alone in my notion, I was happy to discover. Even TIME wrote about it, before they lost their credibility with their "Are You Mom Enough?" cover.
I'm not alone in my notion, I was happy to discover. Even TIME wrote about it, before they lost their credibility with their "Are You Mom Enough?" cover.
I have an older sister. She’s my best friend. NOW. She was
my worst enemy for the bulk of my youth. Standing in the shadow of someone
who’s seemingly perfect is the best way I describe my teen-angst years.
Plus I always had hand-me-downs.
When we traveled on a plane, my parents would argue over who
would sit next to me because as a 5-year-old on her first plane ride, I was
incapable of sitting still.
Airplanes have three seats to a row. That’s a lot of subtext
right there.
I was always forced to sit in the way back of Dad’s ’85
Custom Cruiser station wagon, facing backwards, so that my sister and her
friend could have the backseat.
She got to bring a friend on vacation!
To this day, I still don’t get car-sick.
Dr. T. also has an older sister. She’s lived in another
country the bulk of his adult life. Now she’ll be living across the state of
Texas from us. He best describes their relationship as, “She used to beat the
crap out of me all the time.”
Lest you think this is a single-minded, mom-only decision I asked
Dr. T. what his thoughts are about another kid. His response: “Another one?
Seriously? One is hard enough. *insert L.E. screaming for her toothpaste* I
think we’re good, honey.” Then he muttered something under his breath about me
being crazy and how life was easier with no kids.
Keep in mind, I asked him while he was trying to convince
L.E. that she doesn’t need anymore toothpaste on her toothbrush while he was
trying to wipe her face off.
This is one of our many battle-rituals we face with her
every morning.
Plus, as regular readers of this blog know, I’m very
insecure and I barely feel capable of getting L.E. and I out of the house every
day with few tears and very little yogurt in our hair. And that’s WITH Dr. T.’s
help. There’s no way I could handle all of that on top of getting a baby together,
too.
People say it gets easier. People also lie. A lot.
I just turned 36. Don’t give me that crap about how I’m not
too old. I’m old enough to where my ovaries could drop eggs like crazy and
what’s worse than having another child?
TWINS.
So there you have it.
I don’t mean to sound evil and judgmental. Like everything
else with parenting, you have to do what’s best for you.
I want to know: What are your family plans? 1 kid? 2 kids? 8 kids?
And like with all things, I'm entitled to change my mind if I accidentally forget my birth control.
I want to know: What are your family plans? 1 kid? 2 kids? 8 kids?
And like with all things, I'm entitled to change my mind if I accidentally forget my birth control.