Saturday, December 8, 2012

Obligatory Elf on the Shelf Post

Every blogger writes about the Elf on the Shelf so I feel like I should, too. After all, last year this lady wrote about it and now she has a friggin' bestseller. I am so jealous of her; really, she wrote about the crazy over-achieving moms that I'll never even come close to being like and she got a book deal.
I'm disappointed in myself because I feel like I'm smart and witty enough to write a book but I haven't actually done it. I still have the vague belief that this blog will get me discovered by someone like the person who discovered her. But I digress...back to the Elf.
Elves creep me out in the same way leprechauns do but they don't keep me away from corned beef and cabbage on St. Patty's Day. However, I'm still not one to really buy into this whole Elf craze. For one thing, have you noticed the red eyes? I don't think I could sleep at night knowing the red-eyed creepy man-boy-doll was roaming around the house and spying on us. So there's that.
He's stealing your soul.
But the real reason I don't want the Elf on the Shelf is because I'M EXHAUSTED! The holiday season is draining enough as it is. There is shopping, cooking, wrapping, buying, eating, drinking, travel-planning, advent calendars, tree-watering, decorations, keeping a nosy toddler out of the room where all of her presents are hidden, trying to get to see Santa,  holiday programs which require missing work, preparing for backup child care because the preschool is closed, hiding more presents, figuring out what Dr. T wants, nagging him to get the boxes of decorations down, more cooking, driving to look at lights, lighting luminarias, work gift exchanges, school parties which need volunteers (also during work hours...). It's all so much. On top of it all, this is the first year L.E. is old enough to understand what's going on and I desperately want her to believe in Santa but she has the worst secret-keeper ever as a mom. I'd forget to move the Elf and I know she'd bust me touching it, which you're not supposed to do or else I'd accidentally grind him up in the garbage disposal like her little pig toy I set on the kitchen counter so I wouldn't trip over it.
I'm not good at these things.
Growing up, I loved believing in Santa. But I loved thinking that my parents were in cahoots with him even more. All my mom had to say is that she talks to Santa every day and tells him whether we were good or bad. That was enough for me. It made me awestruck to think my mom was in contact with such a powerful person. After all, he trusted her to wrap the presents he brought us which is why the gift tags were in her handwriting.
I hope L.E. will think I'm a friend of Santa's, too. I already told her I talk to Santa and he says that she'll get another present for every five times she uses her potty. So far it's working.
No Elf-wrangling necessary.


  1. I don't do Elf on the Shelf, just because I think it is creepy! Telling my child this doll moves around and watches you... creepy. Not to mention the faces! Ha :)

    I'd like to invite you to our Sunday and Monday Meet & Greet Blog Hop!

    Come link up and join in the fun :)

  2. Thanks, Laurie! I joined and connected

  3. Elves kinda creep me out too. My son and his wife have a male and female one they use at the holidays. The kids think it's great fun. But I will always luv believing...
    A new follower from the Meet and Greet Blog Hop. Hope you can stop by my blog as well.

    Anne Marie