I feel like the stars were aligned against me last week.
L.E. has turned into a 6-month-old colicky baby again, only this time she has verbal skills and free will. Getting her to go to bed has turned into a 2+ hour venture with Dr. T and I tag-teaming with countless stories. She also wants her binky all the time and cries when we make her take it out in the morning. She'll throw herself on the ground at random and will scream and cry for a lollipop or popsicle. She wakes up in the middle of the night demanding more stories and milk. It's been awful.
When she's not having a super-psycho-freak-out, she's the most amazing and sweet little girl ever.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's like living with a drunk Tasmanian Devil who is also bipolar.
I work till 6 and commute 30 minutes so I'm generally not home much before 7. This has turned Dr. T into a huge grouch because he's home alone with the devil incarnate for almost 2 hours. It shouldn't be that big of a deal but it all came to a head this week. I'm not one for tears at work, especially at a new job, but Wednesday I couldn't control it. I was upset, tired, angry and feeling like all of my spinning plates were falling around me.
I'm ready to say, "I give up."
I've been back to work for two weeks and my house has gone to hell, I've gained 7 lbs and I have yet to stay awake past 9:30.
I feel like a failure at life, work, marriage and parenting.
There is only one other woman at my job who has kids. She gets the same flack I do about not pulling her weight in the office. That is the worst possible feeling to have, especially when it's been less than a month. The younger employees don't think it's fair that I leave on-time every day. But they don't see me coming in early, working through lunch. They don't know that in my 15-year career, I've done more than my share of covering for people who have also struggled with finding a work-life balance.
On top of it all, we're pretty lonely. We don't have many friends here and we're trying not to be too pushy with the people we do know.
This is just really hard right now.
I hope it gets better soon.