Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Top 10 Signs You're a Terrible Stay-At-Home-Mom

10. You had to Google SAHM.

9. Your toddler is eating Cheerios off the floor and you can't remember the last time you bought Cheerios.

8. You don't know what time Days of Our Lives is on.

7. When someone gave you a "mommy card" at the park, you laughed so hard that chardonnay came out your nose. Now you have to find a new park.
Yes. You live in a world where these exist.
Be frightened.

6. When you have dinner on the table at 6 pm, it's usually in a pizza box.

5. Your black yoga pants have yogurt stains on them. Not those ones, the other ones. No, the third pair. Dammit, woman, don't you own any jeans?

4. You don't do laundry until your towels start moving on their own.

3. Your kid wakes you up from naptime by exclaiming, "I'm done mopping, Mommy!"

2. You can't remember your password but you can always access your PornHub account with no problem.

1. Your husband asks what you've done all day but you're too drunk to answer him.

1 comment:

  1. Really funny! And I'm not even a SAHM. The mommy business cards are new to me. Thanks for keeping me informed and in touch with a world I'll never know. You're the Jacques Cousteau to my adult male, single ocean.