Thursday, September 20, 2012

I'm Siiiiiiiiiick

After traveling and an open house at L.E.'s preschool, I have a cold.
I used to do all of these things to combat colds like take echinecea and orange juice, tea, Zicam, throat drops...anything and everything.
Today I went back to sleep for two hours. I feel monumentally better.
I get more colds than I let on; Mucinex is the genius-drug that always makes me feel not-sick even though I am. So I would still go to work. And hope nobody noticed.
That was really stupid. When you're sick, stay home and get some rest. Don't be a hero. Everyone needs some bad TV once in a while.
Like, have you ever watched the fourth hour of the Today Show with Kathie Lee and Hoda? Those crazy drunks made my maternity leave more bearable. Seriously, I don't know how The Soup only finds one clip a week to which to mock.
Also, when was the last time you checked in with Hope and Marlena on Days of Our Lives? Chances are, the storyline is about the same it was 20 years ago. And those two women haven't aged since high school.
Cap your day off with some bad afternoon talk shows, in between naps of course.
Or you could get really lucky and be sick on a day that Bravo has on a Top Chef or America's Next Top Model marathon. It's totally acceptable to watch six consecutive episodes of the same show when you're sick.
It's also OK to do the following:

  • Eat nothing but soup and crackers
  • Melt cheese on the crackers
  • Forget the crackers and melt cheese on a tortilla
  • Sleep on your brand-new leather couch
  • Eat off the coffee table
  • Put your feet up on the coffee table
  • Watch every recorded episode of House Hunters without your spouse.
  • Throw used tissues on the floor
  • Move your bedroom pillow to the couch
  • Don't clean
  • Melt cheese in your soup bowl
  • Don't rinse your soup bowl
  • Wait until the last possible second to pick up your child from preschool
  • Try to re-trace your steps and figure out how you didn't appear on House Hunters when you just bought a house
  • Take a shower before your family comes home. You've been eating cheese all day and you stink
  • Ask your husband to make you a quesadilla for dinner
  • Pretend you didn't spend the entire day sleeping and watching TV

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