Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Gone Texas, Y’all

Everybody needs one of these.
I used to live in New Mexico, which any New Mexican will tell you is overrun by rich Texans. It’s just like Nevada being overrun by rich Californians. 
It’s possible that this reason, along with the Steelers' Super Bowl XXX loss to the Dallas Cowboys, is what made me hate Texas with a passion.
Once when I was driving from Oklahoma City back to Albuquerque, I refused to get out of the car in Texas. So that was a few hundred miles across the panhandle, past the Big Texan Steakhouse and I didn’t stop.
I bitched about their driving, lack of style, trashy attitudes, horrible accents and boots.
Here I am now sitting on a fake porch in my backyard in Austin, TX getting attacked by mosquitos. This porch isn’t Texan; it’s actually a replica of a cabin in New Orleans that had been destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. It’s just the front of a porch, complete with swing.
From what I’ve been told, it’s so Austin, y’all.
I’ve embraced this like you wouldn’t believe, and I’ve only been here a week.
I bought yard art.
Granted, it’s not Beyonce the Giant Metal Chicken, but that’s only because I know the Bloggess paid $100 for B and the ones they had for sale at Austin Furniture Depot were more than that.
So I got a parrot instead.
L.E. named him Blu. I think Pedro is more appropriate.

I have friends in Reno who are seriously worried about me. They’re just jealous because they haven’t had tacos for roughly more than half of their recent meals.
Yes, there are bugs. Yes, our legs look like we have chicken pox. Yes, I can’t stop sweating from the humidity.
But it’s so nice here, you guys. It’s green and lush and there’s a Crate & Barrel. I mean I try to buy local when I can but it’s hard when you finally live in a city with a Restoration Hardware.
There is more than one Whole Foods.
There’s a competitor for Whole Foods called Central Market, which is actually closer to us.
There’s this place, which I’ll refer to as paradise. It has ice cream, burgers, beer and a playground.
The public pools are actually swimmable.
There is no wind; just a slight breeze.
So maybe instead of going full-Texan, I’ll just go Austinite.
I promise not to get a perm or big fake boobs. Or be a Cowboys fan. 
But I'm already saying, "y'all."

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