I promise to never talk about my kid's bodily fluids in my social network. This includes, but is not limited to, poop in any consistency, pee, blood, vomit, ear wax, snot or spit. Potty training in the general sense may be mentioned occasionally but usually just to brag. I may occasionally talk about my own bodily fluids but I promise I will do it tastefully i.e. I went to a wedding. I drank too much champagne. Yadda yadda yadda, I had to buy a new rug in L.E.'s room.
I promise not to pick up the car-pool kids in my bathrobe or painting clothes unless I'm actually painting.
I promise not to belt out any songs from "back in my day" while driving said car-pool. The only exception is Nine Inch Nails' "Head Like A Hole"
I promise to always wash my hands or use whatever hand-sanitizer is lying around after using the bathroom and/or changing diapers. Also while baking, cooking, playing in a pretend-kitchen and before & after feeding L.E.
I promise to stop doing things the way my grandmother did. But doing things the way my grandfather did them is still fair game.
I promise that I'll eventually stop laughing at L.E. eating things off the floor and actually try to teach her what's food and what isn't.
I promise not to judge you to your face for your parenting decisions. But while out with other moms at happy hour, all bets are off.
I promise to stop patting L.E. on the head like she's my dog.
I promise to stop calling my dog my kid.
I promise to always shower. I've been pretty good at sticking with that one. L.E. may be a screaming mess on the floor of the bathroom but I will at least be clean.
I promise to bake more. Really.
I promise to over-tip the servers in restaurants since we will surely be leaving behind a gigantic mess. I will also be polite and say please and thank you. I will instruct my daughter to do the same.
I promise to never take L.E.'s laughter for granted.
I promise to tell my mom I love her every time I talk to her. I will also thank her on occasion for what she's done for me in my life.
I promise I will be a better wife to T. He deserves the best and I sometimes come up short.
I promise to always love my daughter unconditionally. To me, she is the smartest, cutest, funniest, prettiest, most loving, friendliest, all-around best kid ever.
I promise to keep writing if you promise to keep reading.
Happy Mother's Day, everyone!