Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

The morning began with a stained pillowcase, thanks to my newly-dyed, too-red hair. Rather than try to get the stains out, I threw the pillowcase away. The newly-dyed hair didn't take to styling well.
I could tell it was going to be a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.
L.E. had a dentist appointment. My worst nightmare came true: she inherited my horrible teeth. She needs to have her bottom molars capped which means she'll be under anesthesia. Go ahead and judge. It's not like she ate jelly beans and M&Ms every night. Just when she needed bribing. Besides, you can't make me feel any worse than I already do. It's a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.
Then, work got insane. Which job, you ask? ALL OF THEM! I have awards submissions due for the architecture firm and collateral to get done within the next two weeks for the chocolate company. I can't explain how many times I've said, "It's handled!" ala Olive Pope today.
I can't get emails or phone calls returned. I can't run Photoshop and Illustrator at the same time.
It was a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.
I have bug bites on the underside of my boobs. Underboobs?
The A/C in my car broke. The van has been 50/50 on running at all. Dr. T is crabby.
My underboobs are itchy.
My too-red hair looks bad pulled up. My new glasses seem too big. My makeup is too pink.
It was a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.
I just wanted to come home and have a glass of wine. My insulated wine sippy cup has a leak. Yes, I have other glasses but that's beside the point.
It was a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day.
But tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow is always better.
Even in Australia.

Monday, March 24, 2014

This is 4.

Prepping her for therapy since 2010.
All weekend long, I had unexplained anxiety. I genuinely had no idea why; other than being rejected by Listen To Your Mother (which you should go see anyway because it will still be amazing even if I'm not in it), I've actually been doing really well. Work is great, I finally feel like we're hitting our Austin groove as far as having a social life and my frizzies are totally under control. Yet I was mopey and cranky all weekend.
I didn't think it had anything to do with L.E.'s birthday. But apparently birthday-eve anxiety is a totally normal thing and I was suffering from it. Surprisingly, it didn't happen to me before now. Her 4th birthday.
Why now?
When I was four, my favorite TV show was Scooby Doo. I wanted a doll house. I liked popsicles more than anything. Was this information my mom shared with me during her last visit? No. I know these things because I remember them. Now that L.E. is four, I know that she will remember way more about her life that she will carry into adulthood. So for me, that means that from now on, she can REMEMBER EVERYTHING. I don't have the safety of her toddler-hood to keep her from remembering that I smacked her on the head while adjusting her car seat. She can now throw that in my face! As well as telling her dad and her friends that I driver over the curb every day when I exit her preschool. And when we're sitting down for Christmas dinner in the year 2035, she'll resentfully bring up how I let her fingers get caught in a rubber stamp at my office when I had to bring her with me to meet the cleaning service.
Four means no more free passes. Parenting is getting real.
This is the strangest feeling. (As I typed this, my dog projectile vomited on me which is REALLY the strangest feeling...excuse me while I take a shower.)
OK, I'm back.
This is the strangest feeling because of all the anxiety and depression I've gone through over the last few years, I never had to stress about L.E. having memories of it. But now she'll know every time I screw up, every time I'm sad and every time I yell about something stupid. Though she's been parroting our mannerisms for ages, we now have a bigger responsibility to make sure she's learning the right lessons.
But all of that aside. She's 4. FOUR.
And absolutely remarkable.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Less Talking. More Writing

A rather strange thing occurred to me recently: I haven't written a blog in FOREVER. I keep reading really awesome blogs and meeting some amazing writers and feeling oh-so-inspired...but I haven't sat down to write for myself.
So instead of talking about writing, I decided to just write. I have no specific topic, more like my mind-monkey is just going to churn stuff out.
It's not going to make much sense but here is what's on my mind.

  • L.E. turns 4 this month. FOUR! 
  • I had hypnotherapy yesterday and I don't think I need to go back for a while. I'm going to actually put into practice everything I learned so that I can heal from the inside. Here's more.
  • My hair is long enough to pull into a topknot which is the official hairstyle of bloggers everywhere. Just in time for SXSW.

  • It's SXSW! Remember last year when I was unemployed and had to be a full-time stay-at-home-mom for a week? Yeah, I haven't killed that memory with booze and pills yet. 
  • This year my parents are coming to town to watch L.E. during Spring Break. Free babysitters!
  • One year ago on St. Patrick's Day, I interviewed for a blogger job that I randomly found on ProBlogger, despite having never checked that site before. Now, I'm happy to report that little blogger job has turned into me taking care of marketing and PR for a Top 10 Chocolatier in the US. It's been a crazy ride and I'm so happy to be a part of Delysia.
  • Since I'm in a reflecting mood, never would I have thought I'd be this into public relations. I feel like it's the career I should have spent the last 15 years honing instead of graphic design. 
  • I don't want to say I was a bad designer – negative self-talk is one of the things I'm abolishing through hypnotherapy – but I never felt like it was a good fit career-wise. I like my different jobs and the variety each has.
  • I'm pretty sure i've seen every episode of House Hunters ever made. It's gotten to where we can narrate what comes next during the commercial breaks. Just once, I want someone to say they're looking for small rooms, white appliances and Formica countertops, shag carpeting, being right up against the neighbors and zero natural light.
  • I mean seriously, how big does your master bedroom have to be?
  • My house smells like soup
  • Austin Moms Blog has six new contributors. How long until they realize I'm not the crazy drunk careless mom that has become my online schtick
  • Did I use that term correctly?
  • Is there a better show on right now than Parks & Recreation
  • If I'm ever forced to choose between tacos or nachos, I...can't even finish this sentence right now. Don't ever make me live in a world that will force me to make that choice.
  • My new favorite beer is wine
  • L.E. has learned how to lie and be adorable. I asked her if she brushed her teeth. She said no but had a big smile on her face. I asked her why she was smiling. She said, "Because I'm cute."
  • I haven't blogged in so long that I got fired by Google AdSense

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Hypnotherapy is Awesome

This post originally appeared on Austin Moms Blog

Take a deep breath…close your eyes…and think RELAXATION…
I’ve written extensively on my battle with depression. I pride myself on being very open with my experiences because I don’t want people who are suffering from depression to think they are alone. So it goes without saying that I’m pretty willing to try anything to feel better and then tell you, our readers.
I’ve been on anti-depressants and I used to go to a therapist a few times a month. Though talk therapy is great, I still feel as though it’s putting a band-aid on the problem instead of fully exploring where it all comes from. It was time to try other options for treating my depression and anxiety. But I didn’t know where to start.
Luckily, Tamara Niemann of Mind Over Matters Clinical Hypnosis Center found me. Rather, she found my depression posts and asked if I’ve ever considered hypnotherapy. I thought it sounded crazy but then again, drive-thru liquor stores seem crazy to me…I digress. I set up an appointment at her comfy South Austin office, which happens to be inside a wellness studio.
When you think of hypnotherapy, you probably think of the Fleetwood Mac song. Or you think of a cartoon being hypnotized with a swinging pocketwatch and then tricked into doing whatever the magician tells them to do. If that were the case, Tamara says she’d be a lot richer after having swindled her clients out of their bank information. Despite common misconceptions,  you remain completely in control while undergoing hypnosis. Under a relaxed state, you are actually going into your subconscious mind and figuring out the root of undesirable behaviors. This is where your emotions, habits, and fears are based, and the hypnotist can change the emotion behind the behavior at the root, thus changing the unwanted behavior. It sounds simple but it takes a lot of work, as I soon discovered.
My first appointment with Tamara was like the must gut-wrenching, soul-searching therapy session I’d ever had. And that was before the hypnosis. I spilled everything, even things I never told my other therapists. Tamara has such a warm quality about her; you can tell her anything and her no-bull*bleep* way of helping you is refreshing, to say the least. As I sat in her big comfy chair and let her guide me to my “happy place,” I soon felt these huge metaphorical weights lift off of me. This is seriously something I never expected; after all of my previous therapy sessions, I would feel better for an hour but when I got back to “reality,” the weight came crashing down. With hypnosis, we explored where my crippling self-doubt came from and began work to heal from it.
This is where the work comes in. Tamara recorded my first hypnosis session and sent me the mp3 to listen to daily. I noticed that if I go several days without it, the self-loathing creeps back in. Since starting regular relaxation therapy, I recognize the anxious feelings as they come on and I know the little mantras I tell myself  to make them go away. I know this sounds simple yet complicated yet completely crazy but truthfully, I’ve never felt like this in my life. In a word, I’m HAPPY. And I don’t think I’ve ever been truly happy before.
I’ve tackled a number of issues in the last few months during hypnotherapy. The biggest one is learning to love myself. It’s strange to be learning something 
at 37 as an adult when I should be teaching it to my almost-4-year-old. But honestly, the best thing I can give to my daughter is a happy and healthy mommy, inside and out. Becoming more child-like is part of the process for me and it’s making me appreciate the time I spend with Lucy and Todd instead of resenting the challenges of being a parent. I’ve noticed many little things that used to drive me crazy will barely even blip on my radar now. I can sit through traffic while remaining calm, I can handle 15 deadlines all at once, and if Lucy is caught eating erasers at school, I no longer cry and wonder where I went wrong as a parent. I’m more in control of my emotions than ever before and it’s all thanks to hypnotherapy.
Tamara can work with you on a variety of different issues from stress relief to smoking cessation to weight loss to sleep disorders. You can visit her website for more information at

Monday, January 27, 2014

Just Call Me Darla

L.E. wanted a new pet. She asked for a bunny, a gerbil, a hamster, a bird and a kitten. I told her to be content with our dog. Then she asked for a fish.
OK, I thought. A fish is easy, I thought.
Never mind the multitude of guppies and goldfish from my youth that ended up with a porcelain funeral.
We went to the pet store and got a betta. L.E. named him Alex.
He had a tank and some colorful pebbles.
Nemo and Dory figurines were his friends.
Less than a week later, he was floating upside down.
We pulled the old switcheroo: got a similar-looking fish and replaced him while L.E. was at school.
She was none the wiser and never knew that Alex was actually Alex #2.
Until this morning.
R.I.P. Alex #2.
I decided not to hide it from her. I'm going to be honest and tell her that fish don't last forever. Sometimes they don't even last a week 2 weeks. Either the water was too cold or we fed him too much. He just didn't make it.
THEY just didn't make it.
I should have noticed something was up when I saw him burrowing under Dory.
Truthfully, I thought he was "mating" with her or something.
This is what happens when you buy your not-quite-four-year-old a pet without thinking it through.
How is the dog still alive?
How is L.E. still alive?
How many times will PetSmart honor their two-week return policy if your fish dies?
For you animal lovers out there who are ready to call the Fish Protective Services, know that Alex #3 will not come home until the tank is ready and we undergo some training, i.e. Googling.
I'm just glad it's not hamsters.